Around The World In 80 Days

If the American box office results for Disney’s latest child-friendly flick are any indication, the company that bears Walt’s famous name is in trouble. Boardroom mutinies, disappointing box office for many of their recent movies and a general public opinion that equates ‘Disney’ with ‘corporate merger’ rather than ‘fun,’ seems to have put the House of Mouse on very shaky ground indeed. In fact, while watching the latest remake of the Jules Verne classic, I was reminded of a quote that, I believe, refers to the charging armies of scientific advancement: “While wondering if they could, they never stopped to ask if they should.”

Around the World in 80 Days is quite a conundrum actually – full of movement but emotionally empty; stuffed with colorful characters but joyless in execution. One has to wonder if anyone other than corporate America could have taken such a timeless classic and turned it into such a mildly entertaining, sterile adventure story.

I must admit, I have never read the book. I imagine that I was supposed to somewhere along the meandering track that is my early education, but I almost certainly skipped that class. However, I am familiar enough with the story and characters to know that, fantastic as Verne’s imagination was, I don’t think he ever conjured up stories with jade buddhas and battles between rival kung fu clans in the mountains of China.

The plot, in case you don’t know, chronicles the adventures of Phileas Fogg (Steve Coogan), a brilliant but misunderstood scientist in 1890’s England who’s pressured into taking a bet that seems impossible: to circumnavigate the globe in 80 days or less. With his trusty sidekick Passepartout (Jackie Chan) and sultry tagalong Monique (Cécile De France) by his side, he sets out to prove the scientific world wrong.

But almost right away, the plot gets lost. Fogg, an eccentric genius whose life is full of crazy gadgets and amazing inventions, shoulders the entire story but we rarely see any hint of his brilliance. Once the bet is underway, the gang sets out by… boat. And then on to a train, and a hot air balloon. Then another train. Only at the end of the movie does his brilliance catch up with him, but by then it feels almost like a fluke.

The thing that rather surprised me, actually, was how very segmented the movie felt. Obviously we can’t stay with our heroes every single step of their adventure; time and story structure dictate that we’re only able to see a small part of the whole. But each time we catch up with our intrepid crew, if feels forced and diluted, like a series of short sketches thrown underneath the blanket of the classic story. Bad set design and claustrophobic direction don’t help either; you can nearly see the set walls and lighting equipment.

It was inspired casting to hire Steve Coogan though – a superstar in England but a relative unknown in America. From his days as Alan Partridge (“A-haa!”) to his great work in 24 Hour Party People, he’s proven that he’s no flash in the pan. I read a review of an advance screening several months back that proclaimed that this would be the movie to make Coogan a superstar in America. But with an under-written role that only seldom lets his comic timing shine through, he doesn’t have much room to breathe and disappointingly, fades into the background.

So who’s left to sell the film? Jackie Chan of course, the Dick Clark of kung fu movies, who I’m sure will still be doing back flips out of low-flying helicopters well into his 90’s. It can’t be said that Chan is boring; it’s clear from every role that he’s in that he’s giving 110% and I’m darned if he ain’t such a likeable little feller. Granted, his character’s story, and the fact that it plays a pivotal role in the action of the script, is nowhere to be found in the book; another glaring modification that the studio hopes you won’t notice if Chan beats up a few guys with a wooden bench.

One of the recurrent things that got my goat, though, was that in a movie that’s supposed to capture your imagination and let you see new and wonderful worlds through the bewildered eyes of the cast, there were way too many distractions. Cameos from everyone from special effects god Kit West to multi-billionaire businessman Richard Branson just foster quick whispers of “Oh, it’s him!” This is a sweeps-week television gimmick and doesn’t really belong in an adventure movie. It also doesn’t help that your two antagonists – one with more makeup than KISS and the other stupider than a bowl of hair – are absent for nearly the entire movie. Where’s the consistency? Where’s the danger?